boundaries

Consider these as guidelines for how to interact with me. There can be exceptions, but if you aren't certain please ask for clarification.

1. Engage in healthy conflict and communication with me.
2. Initiate, invest, and be intentional with me.
3. Do not ask me for money, or accept money from me.
4. Tell me about serious stuff only if solution-oriented.
5. Refrain from suggesting things you do not really want.

Avoidance aversion

I do not get along well with conflict avoidant people. I have an expectation for clear and upfront communication from the people I connect with.

Equivalent exchange

I have a strong desire for an equivalent exchange of energy with the people I interact with. The key ways I look for this are initiating conversations, asking questions or showing curiosity about me, suggesting activities, and actively providing clarity about your desires and intentions. By taking these kinds of actions you will build up trust and connection with me.

Money matters

I grew up on the edge of poverty, and I have had a number of poor experiences around money which have caused me to become fairly sensitive about it. I am currently very blessed to be very financially secure due to a combination of luck and hard work. I can be very generous, but unless it is in the right context doing so may cause me to harden my heart.

In essence, this comes down to a matter of trust. I want connections where I am valued as a person, not as a means to an end. See Immanuel Kant's categorical imperative for more on this. I believe that financial independence is in the best of interest of you and any connection we may share.

I also do not enjoy paying people for intimacy or NSFW play. I have nothing against sex workers—you can chat with me safely, but please do not ask me to buy your services.

Significant struggles

Please do not share extreme struggles in your life with me. I find it very distressing when someone I care about is going through dire straits such as food insecurity, housing insecurity, abuse, or addiction. I don't have the wherewithal to deal with not being able to help someone who is in need—it triggers my childhood trauma, and generally leads me to pull away.

This is less of a problem if I am able to help you reach a solution. This would apply if we lived close to each other or if you were coming to me with a positive, solution-oriented mindset.

Serious suggestions

I sometimes have trouble determining when people are being serious. A common example is talking about meeting IRL, but not being serious about it. Please either refrain from making suggestions which you don't actually want or clearly state when you are engaging in some kind of fantasy.